Leave Your Boots by the Bed
by candyflavordlies
Summary: The story of a man, loved by two women, and raised on a precipice. Clark Kent, nee Kal-El, is learning to walk the world as a savior, even if he doesn't want to. Lois and Martha just want him safe.
1. Awareness

_**Awareness**_

He's critically aware of her humanity, how fragile she is in his hands.

He's critically and unabashedly aware of the sound fabric makes against her skin, the way her skin flushes when things don't go her way, at her speed.

He's inescapably aware of the way his heart pounds rapidly beneath the symbol of his house and inside this alien body. His eyes follow her across the street, watch her climb the steps of her apartment, follow her until she's safe beyond her door, locked and bolted against the oh so very dangerous world they're floating in.

He listens across the night for the familiar sounds of Martha Kent, matches the beat of her heart to the rustle of the wind in his cape. He keeps one ear open for her, always, his compass, his very truest north. But it's complicated because now there's Lois, just as precious, just as rare, just as _his_ to protect. But he can't watch over everyone and he's afraid that one day, _everyone_ will drown out his _only ones_.

He's acutely aware of the reasons, the pressure, the saving the world above everything else, that sits between and on top of everything that he holds dear.

Clark, Kal-El, Superman. Whatever they want to call him - he has a home and a family and romantic sensibilities borne from watch Jonathan Kent love his wife like she's the only thing that makes the sun come up in the morning. He wants to love Lois like his father loves his mother, even if it means the world falls apart because of it.

He can't, of course.

He's painfully aware of the price, of the tradeoffs, of the won'ts and can'ts that will color the rest of their lives and in this moment, watching her sip coffee and catch up on late night talk shows, he's undeniably aware that he just can't bring himself to care.


	2. As Blue as Heaven

_**As Blue as Heaven**_

* * *

Blue is the color of Heaven, the color of Jonathan Kent or the sky when Clark first realizes gravity doesn't mean the same thing to him as it does to everyone else.

Blue is the color of flannel and drifting in the ocean after an oil rig explodes.

Blue is the color of the eyes that stare back at him in fractured mirrors in the bathrooms of a hundred different roadside diners. It's the color of hope and failure and the tinge of regret because he's moving on again, again.

Blue is the color of Lana and Pete as pulls a sinking bus from a lake and the color of icing on his 12th birthday cake.

Blue is the color of sunrise, the dawn of a new sky, untouched by war and man and belonging, for a millisecond, to nature and to the universe and to no one at all.

Blue is the color of burden and the weight of the worlds, wrapped around him like a shroud, like armor. It's the color of decisions and responsibilities and choices that he doesn't want to make.

Until one day, blue is the color of the pen Lois uses to write everything she knows about him and then it's none of those things.

Because she writes about Clark, a small town farm boy, and Kal-El, an alien on Earth, but not about Superman, savior of the human race. Just the men underneath, living a duplicitous life, trying to balance being too human and being not human enough.

She reads it to him, sitting on her living room couch, and he on the floor by her feet, listening to all the things he is instead of the things he was, or should be.

In the end, blue is the color of truth.


	3. Damages

_**Damages**_

The fight with Zod hits him the hardest. Lois pushes aside the insane details of the last few days in lieu of comforting this strange alien man. In these dark hours, he is just a broken man, suffering the weight of a thousand deaths, looking for a hand to hold.

They take the bus to Smallville, Kansas. Martha is waiting, knowing eyes taking in the look on her son's face and the slump in his shoulders. These are dark days for them all but Martha does what she does best - she loves him. Wraps her arms around his too broad frame and rests her cheek against his arm. He returns the hug, his arms desperate but restrained. She pulls away to brush her hand across his cheek. Even in the dim porch light, the tears shine brightly in his eyes.

"You go wherever you need to. We'll be here."

She steps back. In almost the blink of any eye, Clark is gone, running or flying to whatever safe haven he has left.

Lois shifts awkwardly at the foot of the porch, unsure of proper etiquette in a time like this.

"Thank you for bringing him home."

"Does this happen often?"

"He tries so hard to be what everyone needs."

"He can't save everyone."

"He knows that. But he's a good man. It's not in his nature to stand by idly." Lois glances up, maybe hoping to catch a glimpse of him. "He'll be back. Come on in and help me set the table."

"Mrs. Kent? I just want you to know I'll keep him safe."

"I know. It's big world Lois, and he looks out for all of us, but since his father died, it's just me looking after him. He's not invincible. If we're not careful, this world could break his heart." Lois shudders to think what that would mean for her and for this planet.


	4. Funerals

_**Funerals**_

Lois holds him tightly as he sobs. She feels the restraint in his arms and his hands as he holds in the pain and the torment. As much as she wants to comfort him, this is no place for him to fall apart. The city is in ruins, there are survivors and victims and there too much to do.

She bends to lay a kiss to his hair before whispering softly.

"We have to go." Clark presses his face into her, his forehead heavy against her stomach. He squeezes her gently before slowly getting to his feet. When he looks at her, clean blue eyes are dimming in fear and guilt and doubt. He's lost, both in mind and spirit, just as shaken as the citizens of Metropolis.

"Take him. Somewhere safe. I'll wait here." He steps away from her and lifts Zod's body and in a moment, they are gone. She doesn't dwell on where he goes. Instead, she begins to round up anyone she can find in this crumbling station. The children cry, afraid that the fighting will continue or that the building will crumble around them. All Lois worries is that she'll never see him again. He could fade into the background, go back to being a no one, disappear from her life forever. She won't look for him, not this time. If he leaves, its because he needs his peace and if that's all she can do, so be it.

That thought, though, hangs heavy on her heart. Lois thinks about the loneliness, the sheer magnitude of the world that has been shattered today, not only for humans but for a man who found his race's last survivors, found them to be genocidal maniacs. Found them to be everything he is not, yet stand to face judgement based on their actions.

She think about a man who has lost his sense of right in the aftermath of his battle. She thinks about a man who murdered one of the last of his kind and she wonders why, why he would ever want to come back.


End file.
